"Do you take tea, or coffee, Mr. Gargery?" asked Herbert, who always

presided of a morning.

"Thankee, Sir," said Joe, stiff from head to foot, "I'll take

whichever is most agreeable to yourself."

"What do you say to coffee?"

"Thankee, Sir," returned Joe, evidently dispirited by the proposal,

"since you are so kind as make chice of coffee, I will not run

contrairy to your own opinions. But don't you never find it a

little 'eating?"

"Say tea then," said Herbert, pouring it out.

Here Joe's hat tumbled off the mantel-piece, and he started out of

his chair and picked it up, and fitted it to the same exact spot.

As if it were an absolute point of good breeding that it should

tumble off again soon.

"When did you come to town, Mr. Gargery?"

"Were it yesterday afternoon?" said Joe, after coughing behind his

hand, as if he had had time to catch the whooping-cough since he

came. "No it were not. Yes it were. Yes. It were yesterday

afternoon" (with an appearance of mingled wisdom, relief, and

strict impartiality).

"Have you seen anything of London, yet?"

"Why, yes, Sir," said Joe, "me and Wopsle went off straight to look

at the Blacking Ware'us. But we didn't find that it come up to its

likeness in the red bills at the shop doors; which I meantersay,"

added Joe, in an explanatory manner, "as it is there drawd too

architectooralooral."

I really believe Joe would have prolonged this word (mightily

expressive to my mind of some architecture that I know) into a

perfect Chorus, but for his attention being providentially

attracted by his hat, which was toppling. Indeed, it demanded from

him a constant attention, and a quickness of eye and hand, very

like that exacted by wicket-keeping. He made extraordinary play

with it, and showed the greatest skill; now, rushing at it and

catching it neatly as it dropped; now, merely stopping it midway,

beating it up, and humouring it in various parts of the room and

against a good deal of the pattern of the paper on the wall, before

he felt it safe to close with it; finally, splashing it into the

slop-basin, where I took the liberty of laying hands upon it.

As to his shirt-collar, and his coat-collar, they were perplexing

to reflect upon - insoluble mysteries both. Why should a man scrape

himself to that extent, before he could consider himself full

dressed? Why should he suppose it necessary to be purified by

suffering for his holiday clothes? Then he fell into such

unaccountable fits of meditation, with his fork midway between his

plate and his mouth; had his eyes attracted in such strange

directions; was afflicted with such remarkable coughs; sat so far

from the table, and dropped so much more than he ate, and pretended

that he hadn't dropped it; that I was heartily glad when Herbert

left us for the city.

I had neither the good sense nor the good feeling to know that this

was all my fault, and that if I had been easier with Joe, Joe would

have been easier with me. I felt impatient of him and out of temper

with him; in which condition he heaped coals of fire on my head.

"Us two being now alone, Sir," - began Joe.

"Joe," I interrupted, pettishly, "how can you call me, Sir?"

Joe looked at me for a single instant with something faintly like

reproach. Utterly preposterous as his cravat was, and as his

collars were, I was conscious of a sort of dignity in the look.

"Us two being now alone," resumed Joe, "and me having the

intentions and abilities to stay not many minutes more, I will now

conclude - leastways begin - to mention what have led to my having

had the present honour. For was it not," said Joe, with his old air

of lucid exposition, "that my only wish were to be useful to you, I

should not have had the honour of breaking wittles in the company

and abode of gentlemen."

I was so unwilling to see the look again, that I made no

remonstrance against this tone.