Not him, Major, you understand?"
"No, no," says I.
"And he went to school in Rutlandshire--"
"Why not Lincolnshire?" says my respected friend.
"Why not, you dear old Gran? Because I go to school in Lincolnshire, don't I?"
"Ah, to be sure!" says my respected friend. "And it's not Jemmy, you understand, Major?"
"No, no," says I.
"Well!" our boy proceeded, hugging himself comfortably, and laughing merrily (again in confidence with the fire), before he again looked up in Mrs. Lirriper's face, "and so he was tremendously in love with his schoolmaster's daughter, and she was the most beautiful creature that ever was seen, and she had brown eyes, and she had brown hair all curling beautifully, and she had a delicious voice, and she was delicious altogether, and her name was Seraphina."
"What's the name of YOUR schoolmaster's daughter, Jemmy?" asks my respected friend.
"Polly!" replied Jemmy, pointing his forefinger at her. "There now! Caught you! Ha, ha, ha!"
When he and my respected friend had had a laugh and a hug together, our admittedly remarkable boy resumed with a great relish:
"Well! And so he loved her. And so he thought about her, and dreamed about her, and made her presents of oranges and nuts, and would have made her presents of pearls and diamonds if he could have afforded it out of his pocket-money, but he couldn't. And so her father--O, he WAS a Tartar! Keeping the boys up to the mark, holding examinations once a month, lecturing upon all sorts of subjects at all sorts of times, and knowing everything in the world out of book. And so this boy--"
"Had he any name?" asks my respected friend.
"No, he hadn't, Gran. Ha, ha! There now! Caught you again!"
After this, they had another laugh and another hug, and then our boy went on.
"Well! And so this boy, he had a friend about as old as himself at the same school, and his name (for He HAD a name, as it happened) was--let me remember--was Bobbo."
"Not Bob," says my respected friend.
"Of course not," says Jemmy. "What made you think it was, Gran? Well! And so this friend was the cleverest and bravest and best- looking and most generous of all the friends that ever were, and so he was in love with Seraphina's sister, and so Seraphina's sister was in love with him, and so they all grew up."
"Bless us!" says my respected friend. "They were very sudden about it."
"So they all grew up," our boy repeated, laughing heartily, "and Bobbo and this boy went away together on horseback to seek their fortunes, and they partly got their horses by favour, and partly in a bargain; that is to say, they had saved up between them seven and fourpence, and the two horses, being Arabs, were worth more, only the man said he would take that, to favour them. Well! And so they made their fortunes and came prancing back to the school, with their pockets full of gold, enough to last for ever. And so they rang at the parents' and visitors' bell (not the back gate), and when the bell was answered they proclaimed 'The same as if it was scarlet fever! Every boy goes home for an indefinite period!' And then there was great hurrahing, and then they kissed Seraphina and her sister,--each his own love, and not the other's on any account,--and then they ordered the Tartar into instant confinement."
"Poor man!" said my respected friend.
"Into instant confinement, Gran," repeated Jemmy, trying to look severe and roaring with laughter; "and he was to have nothing to eat but the boys' dinners, and was to drink half a cask of their beer every day. And so then the preparations were made for the two weddings, and there were hampers, and potted things, and sweet things, and nuts, and postage-stamps, and all manner of things. And so they were so jolly, that they let the Tartar out, and he was jolly too."
"I am glad they let him out," says my respected friend, "because he had only done his duty."
"O, but hadn't he overdone it, though!" cried Jemmy. "Well! And so then this boy mounted his horse, with his bride in his arms, and cantered away, and cantered on and on till he came to a certain place where he had a certain Gran and a certain godfather,--not you two, you know."
"No, no," we both said.