Don't give me money, Mr Boffin, I won't have money. Keep it away from me, and only let me speak to good little Pa, and lay my head upon his shoulder, and tell him all my griefs. Nobody else can understand me, nobody else can comfort me, nobody else knows how unworthy I am, and yet can love me like a little child. I am better with Pa than any one--more innocent, more sorry, more glad!' So, crying out in a wild way that she could not bear this, Bella drooped her head on Mrs Boffin's ready breast.
John Rokesmith from his place in the room, and Mr Boffin from his, looked on at her in silence until she was silent herself. Then Mr Boffin observed in a soothing and comfortable tone, 'There, my dear, there; you are righted now, and it's ALL right. I don't wonder, I'm sure, at your being a little flurried by having a scene with this fellow, but it's all over, my dear, and you're righted, and it's--and it's ALL right!' Which Mr Boffin repeated with a highly satisfied air of completeness and finality.
'I hate you!' cried Bella, turning suddenly upon him, with a stamp of her little foot--'at least, I can't hate you, but I don't like you!'
'HUL--LO!' exclaimed Mr Boffin in an amazed under-tone.
'You're a scolding, unjust, abusive, aggravating, bad old creature!' cried Bella. 'I am angry with my ungrateful self for calling you names; but you are, you are; you know you are!'
Mr Boffin stared here, and stared there, as misdoubting that he must be in some sort of fit.
'I have heard you with shame,' said Bella. 'With shame for myself, and with shame for you. You ought to be above the base tale- bearing of a time-serving woman; but you are above nothing now.'
Mr Boffin, seeming to become convinced that this was a fit, rolled his eyes and loosened his neckcloth.
'When I came here, I respected you and honoured you, and I soon loved you,' cried Bella. 'And now I can't bear the sight of you. At least, I don't know that I ought to go so far as that--only you're a-- you're a Monster!' Having shot this bolt out with a great expenditure of force, Bella hysterically laughed and cried together.
'The best wish I can wish you is,' said Bella, returning to the charge, 'that you had not one single farthing in the world. If any true friend and well-wisher could make you a bankrupt, you would be a Duck; but as a man of property you are a Demon!'
After despatching this second bolt with a still greater expenditure of force, Bella laughed and cried still more.
'Mr Rokesmith, pray stay one moment. Pray hear one word from me before you go! I am deeply sorry for the reproaches you have borne on my account. Out of the depths of my heart I earnestly and truly beg your pardon.'
As she stepped towards him, he met her. As she gave him her hand, he put it to his lips, and said, 'God bless you!' No laughing was mixed with Bella's crying then; her tears were pure and fervent.
'There is not an ungenerous word that I have heard addressed to you--heard with scorn and indignation, Mr Rokesmith--but it has wounded me far more than you, for I have deserved it, and you never have. Mr Rokesmith, it is to me you owe this perverted account of what passed between us that night. I parted with the secret, even while I was angry with myself for doing so. It was very bad in me, but indeed it was not wicked. I did it in a moment of conceit and folly--one of my many such moments--one of my many such hours--years. As I am punished for it severely, try to forgive it!'
'I do with all my soul.'
'Thank you. O thank you! Don't part from me till I have said one other word, to do you justice. The only fault you can be truly charged with, in having spoken to me as you did that night--with how much delicacy and how much forbearance no one but I can know or be grateful to you for--is, that you laid yourself open to be slighted by a worldly shallow girl whose head was turned, and who was quite unable to rise to the worth of what you offered her. Mr Rokesmith, that girl has often seen herself in a pitiful and poor light since, but never in so pitiful and poor a light as now, when the mean tone in which she answered you--sordid and vain girl that she was--has been echoed in her ears by Mr Boffin.'
He kissed her hand again.